mini-interview

Jen asked what was the best and worst thing about my recent vacation:

best thing: camping with 14 families.
worst thing: camping with 14 families.

Flutter asked what the worst thing I have ever eaten was. That is actually really hard to say. I have racked my brain, and it ended up being a toss up between a boiled goose egg and muskrat. The egg was worse.

Emily asked about some of the books I have read this summer. I recently read a great book called Gentleman and Players by Joanne Harris. This is a wonderful summer read, well written, and really fun. It is a classic mystery set at a British boys school.

I've also just read Tin Roof Blowdown by James Lee Burke. Burke sets this compelling crime novel in New Orleans during the aftermath of hurricanes Katrina and Rita. It is heartbreaking and dark and breathtaking all at once. Tin Roof is part of his Dave Robicheaux detective series.

Last week I finished The Soul Thief by Charles Baxter. I can't say I loved it, though it was very well written. It was definitely haunting but also a little pretentious.

I'm currently reading How to be your Dog's Best Friend by the Monk's of New Skete. If you have a dog or are thinking about getting a puppy, this is an absolute must read. The New Skete dog training books are beautifully written guides to lovingly raising and training your family pooch. Go check it out.

Now tell me, what are YOU reading?

By the way. . .if you are going to Blog-her bring me a little souvenir. Well, at least think about me, 'k?

I am a runner

I was going to write a post about how I am really disappointed in my running performance lately. A post about how after two years of running, three 5ks, and a 10k I am still considered a “beginner.” A post about how that pisses me off. I was going to whine and cry about the extra 15 (ok 20) pounds that I have been hauling around since my son was born. I was going to tell you all about how I am just an inadequate athlete and a poor dieter. This was going to be a big pity party and you were all invited. But then I thought. . .

Screw it.

I am tired of feeling fat, and not athletic enough, and like a lame runner, because I am not. Damn it, I am a good runner. Yes, I want better running times. Yes I want to shed the weight. But for once in my life I just want to stand up and say, “Look at me! I am good at this!” I’ll never run a marathon and I don’t care. I will likely never run a 5k under 25 minutes (my current pr is 25: 42). BUT WHO THE HELL CARES!

I am good at this. I am not perfect, but I am still good.

You see, I have to keep saying this over and over, because I have my first race of the season on Saturday. Joy once wrote that she walked a 5k and that it was kind of intimidating. Races like these scare the runners, too. This runner anyway. There are some svelte, fast, determined people out there. The kind that finish in 16 minutes and have 0 body fat. The kind that run, like, 50 miles a week, and cross train by wrestling bears or something. The kind who never eat bread or m&ms. They actually train for their races. They are, in essence, Very Serious Runners.

I am not one of those people. I just run. Period.

Anyway. . .I will try and beat my pr and then I will come home and demand a foot rub and a meal out. Because I am a good runner.

I really am.

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This was first posted in June 2007. I re-posted it today as part of Julie's Hump Day Hmmm for July 2. The topic this week is "What feeds your soul?"

Running nurturers my mind, body and soul. I have since lost the 20 pounds, and now I am training for a 1/2 marathon in September. You might say that I've become a Semi-Serious Runner.

home

Look! I'm back! I bet you are so so thrilled, huh?

Here is some super cuteness from our vacation:


I have no inspiration or time these days, so I imagine my blog will be pretty bland this summer. Any ideas for me? I'll take a meme, an interview, anything...




I miss you guys--someday I'll get around to regular blog reading again.

So I am off for a camping trip tomorrow. And (shocking) I won't be writing and reading for a while. If you are desperate for some Christine posts while I am gone, head over here and read about my half marathon training. Try not to fall asleep on your keyboard, 'k?

TTFN

xoxo
c--

PS Flutter just sent me a super cool apron. My camera batteries are dead, so I can't show you a picture right now, but suffice it to say it is the sweetest, sexiest, sassiest apron EVER!! Thanks, C. Sometime I'll photograph all of my aprons, including the lovely apron that Hel sent me a few months ago. Seriously I LOVE aprons. I'm weird like that. Hey anyone want to get me a Blogher apron in SF??

A Day at the Beach

When my son was about a year old I purchased a Sensible Swimsuit. It was a tankini for easy breastfeeding but full modesty. The bottom provided full rear end coverage and up top there was good support for full, nursing breasts. The straps were wide so there would be no slipping off of the shoulder. It was a navy blue with sweet, white flowers printed on it.

It was very sensible, indeed.

And that was ok. Sensible was good, it was where I was at and what I needed. I never faulted myself or anyone else for the so-called "mom suit."

But at the beginning of this summer, after having lost 20 pounds, I realized that it just didn't quite fit anymore. My breasts were smaller and the supportive cups now looked ridiculous, and the bottom was just plain baggy. I looked and felt frumpy.

It was time to go shopping.

I wanted another tankini with good coverage but in a plain color and a halter neck. Something a little more fun than my last suit but still practical and age appropriate. But all I could find was hoochy mama slut suits that barely covered my ass.

I finally found my perfect swimsuit--a nice navy blue tankini with a halter neck and boy cut shorts (because, dude, who LIKES shaving the old bikini area?). It was the right price and right style, but now when I put it on I sort of freak out. I've mentioned before that it is hard to see the new, slimmer me when I look in the mirror. I just see a chubby old housewife stuffing herself in a suit made for an 18 year old girl with no hips and no c-section scars.

I am desperately trying to move past this self loathing, this skewed vision of what I should look like, feel like.

I haven't worn the suit out in public yet, but next weekend I'll wear it when we go camping--with 14 other friends. And even if I feel fat, and silly, and old I'll wear it because sitting on the sand while everyone else is enjoying life in the water is just not an option for me.

I don't want to miss the fun because I was worried about the size of my butt.

Maybe this is the first step towards loving myself, swimsuit and all.

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This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA. Make sure to check out the Parent Bloggers Network and Balanced Living .

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PS Thanks for all the sweet words on my weird and stressy posts below. What would I do without you guys, really? I'm off now to get some much need sleep...

xoxo
c--

update

she's fine. probably a fissure as flutter suggested. i'm still tired and bitchy and overwhelmed.

but we are are ok.


xoxo

breakdown

the dog is whining and my son won't wear a diaper and my girl is sick, and i've had no sleep and the tears are coming hot and fast from three sets of eyes and the in laws are here and they are helping yes but not how i want but what can i say? i am so tired and weary i want to run far far. . . now my daughter is crying there is blood in my poop mom i'm scared me too baby we're going to the doctor and not the store but we have no milk and did i mention that my eyes burn and i want to run and hide but also scoop up these children and hide under the blanket and cry with them our steamy wet tears mixing on the pillow